~ staying afloat, a day at a time ~

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

cannot the love of a woman,
one woman, be enough?

why does love stand the test of posterity?
and questions loom around the rim of my mouth
and my lips form a questioning quiver

the valley is shallow
the bend of shoulders speak
and the flag masts overhead
and power plays two men
and accordions quicken

there is a light at the end of an alley
and none stand neath it
but a tramp whispers verse and
the beggar goes back to his family
and the successful go into the video shop

and while it all means something
it also means nothing
and there lies a frail child
peering into a better life
watching another child
frailer than thee
whiter than thee

and the woman sees all
knows all
and yet tells the man nothing
with a mouth that has said enough

Friday, May 21, 2010

heart, be still - deux

I kneel at the altars of depression
and beg for my self esteem
The windows are closing
the light is throwing narrowing speckles
and the room breathes heavy
I hear a booming voice
I hear my mother
And then the booming again
He says accept, accept
I'm deafening
the lotus is going under
acceptance was never the game plan
lie low little one
and then awake
open the window
open the door
walk out and trample grass
Happiness is a heavy sunbeam
and truth is heavier

I pack a backpack
I pack
I pack

I remove the sunbeams
I close the blinds


Need I say more?
Privy Lil' Lotus

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

La vie en rose ... Courtesy Edith Piaf (en francais)

Des yeux qui font baisser les miens,
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche,
Voilà le portrait sans retouche
De l'homme auquel j'appartiens

Quand il me prend dans ses bras
Il me parle tout bas,Je vois la vie en rose.

 Il me dit des mots d'amour,
Des mots de tous les jours,
Et ça me fait quelque chose.

Il est entré dans mon coeur
Une part de bonheur
Donc je connais la cause.

C'est lui pour moi. Moi pour lui
Dans la vie,
Il me l'a dit, l'a juré pour la vie.

Et dès que je l'aperçois
Mors je sens en moi
Mon coeur qui bat

Des nuits d'amour à plus finir
Un grand bonheur qui prend sa place
Les ennuis les chagrins s'effacentHeureux, heureux à en mourir.

 Quand il me prend dans ses bras
Il me parle tout bas,
Je vois la vie en rose.
Il me dit des mots d'amour,
Des mots de tous les jours,
Et ça me fait quelque chose.
Il est entré dans mon coeur
Une part de bonheur
Dont je connais la cause.

C'est toi pour moi. Moi pour toi
Dans la vie,
Il me l'a dit, l'a juré pour la vie.

Et dès que je l'aperçois
Alors je sens en moi
Mon coeur qui bat


Love this song...
Just wanted a happy beau song in my head, before I leave to go home tonight... Had always hoped this version would be my wedding song.
La Privy Lil' Lotus

Monday, May 17, 2010

heart, be still

heart, be still
the day cannot be yours
and when night falls
the stars will shine
and the constantly moving wands, will move

so heart, be still
our destined paths are mediocrity
you and i,
and there is no bridge we can build
no invention to create
we are no different

we are no different young thing,
do not beat harder
let's take life at pace
and see it eye to soul

we weave the magic
and have nothing to show for it
heart, be still
do not dream dreams of hope
and i say be still
i know now
i know the ongoing struggle
and i must give up the fight
for we battle a fate
adhered to my ancestral name

be still and show a maturity
tell the world you're convinced
we were set out to be ordinary
do not repeat it my love
do not say, not enough
so be still my love
hibernate, but slowly accept
let's you and me beat at pace
and resign our fate to faith

and in knowing,
you beat harder
you are pounding at my cage
i'm as sorry as you,
for us
and now dry my cheek
my lush eyelash
soothe the reddened hand

now take my hand
and know,
i've failed
because we're ordinary


It's sad when life doesn't go your way. Mom says I plan too much and disappoint myself when it doesn't go my way. But my fate lies in the balance, no respite in sight.
xoxo, patting dry,
Privy Lil' Lotus

Saturday, May 8, 2010

You wanted game

It does not work out
And if I go the hour without you
Do not bleed for me
Do not run the streets

Don’t sprint to my doorstep
Don’t bring me flowers that wither
And gifts, I must return
But most of all, do not stain my sheets

Don’t drink from my cup
As though it be the fountain of youth
Do not call my name in waking dreams
And place a candle in the window
Or a ribbon round a tree

Preach not
About love, about affectations, about parting
And particularly, stolen youth

Seek me instead,
again and again,
in thy wilderness
I am hot and I am cold
And you know that's what you seek
You play the game
You play for game
Do not make me out to be the bitch

Seek me in thy wilderness
Against the harshest of winds
In the harvest
Breathe me in
Breathe me whole
When all else fails you
xoxo, dream a little dream,
Privy Lil' Lotus

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Cobain had it right, all along...

"I need an easy friend. I do, with an ear to lend.
I do think you fit this shoe. I do, won't you have a clue.
I standing in your line. I do hope you have the time.
I do pick a number too. I do keep a date with you."
- Kurt Cobain
Cobain was most definately a bard in melodious clothing, he had it right all along..
I would attribute to him, tinges of Plath and some of Kipling. Maybe if he had a friend, someone with the ear to lend, he may have not gone all that soon... And if we meet, Mr. Cobain, one day, some day, I'd like to keep a date with you. You were a 21st century poetic maestro...
xoxo and do not hold a gun to your head,
or lead with heroin in your blood,
somethings are better left alone,
Privy Lil' Lotus

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Promenade et toi !

Find me a promenade,
walk me a walk,
but let's not talk,
not you,
not me,
just walk...

And if we find our reflection,
let's wish
that it would not alter,
not tonight,
not tomorrow
or the day after,
not on a different promenade...

xoxo, looking to take a walk,
Privy Lil' Lotus

Sunday, May 2, 2010

spindling contradiction

Every waking hour
Filled with a yearning, a searching, a yelp
The dam breaks again
The floodgates of time
And time envelopes you
Nothing in the air burns, but time
Second, second, second, second,
And minute

And life is a wire
My eyes are unloved
And my heart is witness
But time looms in the air
And we spin the wheel of life and penance
Everything is turning
And time is moving along
Time is patient
And sliding along the walls

It etches
And marks days on calendars
On calendar
Only one, in my home
The trouble begins at loving
And cannot be shelved
Or boxed
Or sidelined
Or put out
Or bottled
It must extinguish, just as it burned the early flames
Flames of yellow
Flames of orange
Flames of blue
And now just purple

But to not know love,
Is to have never lived,
He said.

But, I’m told:
Time is a spindle,
Weaving grief,away

Time is a contradiction


Actually, just saw the movie, The Greatest. Carrie Muligan is inspired. Sarandon is on par with Streep and Brosnan has the kindest eyes.

xoxo et al,
Privy Lil' Lotus

to find love with the virgin

Make note. Draw in your subject.
Seek her when you have another.
Meet her gaze, bring them upon you.

Return the next day.
She must have been a new-age Isolde.


And yet your heart beckons you again, alone.
She meet with triumph.
A half hour later
You assume courage.
Stumble into audacious prologue.
She looks you through
And when you are done,
She asks instead to be wooed.
A chore at hand, an epic climb.

You meet, once more
Luring her in with Shelley
Whispering Herrick
Tantalizing finally with silken sheets.

Thirty and seven days on.
The Victorians now exhausted.
Almonds and lilies, finding no nooks.
Not one titilating crevice.

What be it the matter,
Not Me, says the Man.
Confrontation in the Valley.
Coyness, she plays up and then
Divulging finally, that marriage be it
A way, in
Fuming now, he sees every woman,
'You wish solely, to wear a band
And for it, you withold.'
Leave. Certain.

Beside herself,
She wonders if she is every woman,
Saint, Mother, Prostitute, Muse, Lover, Giver, Madame
Must she forget her undertakings
And be
Every woman?

Just something I wrote...

xoxo and the likes,
Privy Lil' Lotus


Saturday, May 1, 2010

And so it begins..

For once, I'd like to say it as it is.

And I just wish to vent, create, please no one, be open, taxless, labeless, society-rid, blameless and afterwhich, unjudged...

        "If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
          But make allowance for their doubting too"
                                                  - Rudyard Kipling (If)

xoxo and everything in between,
Privy Lil' Lotus