~ staying afloat, a day at a time ~

Friday, November 18, 2011

truth, please..

I'm not fooling myself.. i know what has to happen.. i feel old though and tired. so tired.
feel like there isn't any hope left. like the world has buckled and given up on me. i realize its a reflection of myself and yet, it seems like the day will never befall us again. 

everything is hazy. i'm not delusional. i know what is happening or rather what's not. the future seemed like a mythological book being read to the young. oh, the young, so full of zest and ideas and building up dreams .. so naive. 

i had ideas once too .. i saw the church. i saw the rosa clara dress. lace.
time is so effortless. so i broke the clock. i'm growing too old before my time. my ideas have outrun me. my dreams are far behind. hope is nasty.

bring me that kindergarten smile. my bonny lies over the ocean. my bonny lies over the sea. you know what i miss most. i miss the truth. when did you stop telling me the whole truth. i thought we were doing that all along, now it seems like i was running the marathon alone and no one's passing me the baton.

Where is the truth?
Where was it, rather?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

hazelnuts & chocolate

how i wish
you could have said
only the things you meant
and mean only the things
you did not say..
how i wish you just didn't stay

how i wish we could get on
like hazelnuts and chocolate
and i could melt into you each night

how i wish i was wrong about you
wrong in trusting you
wrong in holding you upon pedestal
on pedestal

i was praying a few nights ago
on my knees
and then on my hands
my body felt wasted
and i was drudging for a well

i was asking that we could be together
and i wouldn't have to leave
no, you wouldn't have to leave

no one gets what's happening
no one gets into my head

"i'm so sorry" they whisper
in the corridors
how i wish i was intuitive
i wish i was not fooled
how i wish i had not drooled

how i wish i did not ink your name
and then make you turn
how i wish i was not nude
and people did not see me through

how i wish we'd just have got on
like hazelnuts and chocolate
this entire lifetime

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

He's so not perfect..

Who would have thought Marley had some of the answers?

He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” 
- Bob Marley

Sunday, November 6, 2011

What I've decided..

I've made a step towards hope ..

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility; for it thinks all things lawful for itself, and all things possible.
Thomas Kempis

Its strange how in one quick sweep when you least expect it, a truth will emerge that will change your life's direction. and who you must detach for they no longer are a limb.. eventually you walk away. often times, things come at you out of the blue. someone you trust will shatter it. 

But we will pick up.. We will move on.. 
I trust.