Chasing vapours

if time has taught me anything,
i suppose it should be that i cannot blame you
how does one light a candle to nonchalance?
i'm not able to clearly express on most days
i'm on shaky earth. that i will say is you.
i was immovable, just yesterday.
just after midnight,
a far off lighthouse guided no ships
and in the still of an almost desolate black sand beach
no guarantees in place
just a 'connection' was made
that could easily be undone.
we are strangers now
and while you let everyone go,
early alzheimers
i didn't know my fate
and now, when i started feeling again,
i've come undone.
no one to thatch the roof,
but me.
i cannot make you uncomplicated,
to say the least
and yet, i cannot hate

there is something to be said
about him
he, whose hands tremble
he, who noticed you in a room without walls
her tears and mascara make a muck of
good sheets
sheets worn weary of the thoughts of many
laying awake past their time
it is her who adheres to things not said out loud
it is her who sighs when she ought moan
and yet, he chooseth her
it is by first light that he outlines her lips
and she deflects all who may have come before
she hates that he need tremble
before or after.

to waltz or not to waltz

I trod too long a path once walked..
Yes, I have been the fool before
let me be the second to say it
And I have too,
been the jester
they seem to like the latter
but they fail to admit relishing the first
Yes, I shall admit my failing
and then ever so quick
the fall from grace
While you may watch my step
I tell you I watched yesterday instead
that I did not look at yonder
In the fading light
I voiced a concern
But nightfall came before
the dance could be completed
and the music
it beckons me ..
yet..
so I see him in the distance
his hand offered out
to dance the incomplete waltz
of incorrigible utopia

the flay

And as the day flays
the rest must stay intact
for we must live another day
to gain tomorrows reaping
wear the blinds to a party
of your choosing
and walk backwards into the storm
bring your umbrella to a close
as we bring your memory
my nail polish crackles
and the silver tarnishes
and i walk the path home

a glass cuts into her
while she hovers around yesterday
he lights her memory
while she brings ash to her forehead
thinking the day before
but the smoke lingers
and a scent sets the air alight
reigniting episodes
flicking past and future
all in a blink

and blood and water align
for one night only
for tomorrow to endure

xxx

alone tonight

i hear these voices
the songs
the melody
resonating lyrics
throb my petite heart tonight
they hold meaning
and i allow myself to be naked
and alone
and cry in a quiet corner

in a parallel universe
you're doing so much better than i
cause you're not alone tonight
it's just me
you have plans

and i
i should have learned faster
maybe quicker

some days i think i should
be put down
but these damn songs
those damn lyrics
and all those concerts i never went to
all these tears you will never see
never feel
cause i'm human
to distance myself from you
like you, from me

maybe it was a lack of mutuality
we should have signed an agreement
for every tear you drew from my well
but i had no terms to offer,
just me,
and i seem to come back empty
three times over now.

so i turn my pillow
cause they keep going damp
but this song
it does not bring me to close my eyes and sleep
what it does
is
it brings me to close a door
and close my eyes and sleep
three times over.

broken cup

i fill the cup
i let it break
i fill it up once more
and between the pieces
the pieces of glass
piece together a story, intricate
as time
wrath and love
envy and desire
bleak cup
and now
the piecing