~ staying afloat, a day at a time ~

Friday, December 7, 2012

ambered flaws

pray me,
i'm flawed
and now amber-ed
hidden in a thicket
pray me,
there shan't be cause
cause to unbed
and yet you break me
and ask to undo, unlearn
and slowly,
i relinquish me
to form the mold
pray me,
there's need for more
and a moss grows
pray me,
am shades of green
am shades of seething
and truly, my offering
is none more
than simple throbs
no money,
no facade,
simple throbs
pray me,
she misses a beat
she doesn't know
it's never enough
pray me,
she bleeds
cause i'm flawed

Saturday, December 1, 2012


if all your ducks are in a row
you will find the fragments
they tell me
it imploded into a million pieces
and none could find them all
so should we try to piece it
once, twice more
they will have said,
do not bother boy
the pieces are strewn
and none could find them all

Thursday, November 29, 2012

In another life..

Privy me

the straight & narrow

i heard a loud 'thud'
When optimism died
since the day
it's been the straight
and narrow
there's just one route
i don't ask questions
and neither should you, me
when they ask
what has come to pass
fury stews
i slip through the cracks
those that existed from
the word - go
the December princess
is now bleeding.
there is a hopeless shaped
hole in the ground now
they fill it up
but you see the faint outlines
not enough benzine possibly.
a vial of tempestuousness
is mixed into our morning expresso
patience stirs the pot.
my order is up,
"the straight and narrow, please"
why yes,
polity is still expected

treacherous you, defiant me

you scar me deep
you leave me cold
and you repeat yourself over again
call me by any name
give it a few months
your infatuation will now abbreviate it
when you're not looking.
tomorrow a raft
takes sail
and I am on it.
words cannot suffice
treacherous waft.
Figments undo every yesterday
such loss
when the fire burns out
not a shred
but careless specter.
And you repeat yourself?
now three times over?

Saturday, October 27, 2012

child, take heed

i would like to dole advice
before a handful of soil
covers me whole
do not trust a man with wafer-thin lips
they are sealed forever
when you are offered everything
do not take it all
you must work for them
or you will end up with a handful
everything that crashes
does not always burn
do not trust a man who purses his lips
he is fighting off a rage
do not want for what
was never thine
when you have it, it will flee
before a tune is played out
i cannot teach you everything
life will be your shepherd
but i will be your lighthouse
guiding you home
fruit will be in bounty
i hope you elect
the very brightest
but moreover the strongest
love is a friend and fiend
make of it the best you may
lyrics and poetry will only take
you thus far
the rest of the way you must tread
and most of those days,
be wary

you must carry your cross
and keep faith when all about you
have lost theirs
there is a tree rooted
not far from here
that does not come undone
bury your treasures
beneath its glorious earth
it will defy the laws of
math, science and life

Friday, October 26, 2012

Musings from the October widow

the October widow bemoans
were you not told
why must you stand unarmed
is it me who does not understand you
or you who neglects to infer with me
i believe its all perception
but then again i believed karma too
i was told everything has a grey allotment
my morals are pristine white
my past is pseudo-black
and my thoughts alone
mapped in my brain
and i offer you now
a sliver
my eyes are a suspect brown forthwith
forgive me my mind lover
yesterday makes me question
today i wished for cows hide
but before i can grow it on
you chide
i see you now
toned and swelled
both your brains at once
and perhaps
its me
i prep you for the next
i see you off
while i cocoon on

post midnight

a faint memory patches through
post midnight
almost every second night

and the back of my neck
feels a raspy breath
filled with urgency

my fingers try to hold onto it
when i came to
i remind myself
there's nothing to hold onto

though the memory is faint
it exists
tearing down my imagination,
my wonder-filled tomorrow

should you listen
and follow through
you may get to hold onto more
than just a memory

but post midnight
your body is weak
your mind is weaker

i need to let the pain
change hands
if for a brief moment
say that rasp is mine
and your body is immersed
in a cold sweat

you look perplexed
somehow bored

and with everything in you
you understand

post midnight
every other night
i go back and forth
memory to

Thursday, August 30, 2012

all out

i'm all out
you are taking my sanity

you've left me shriveled
and somehow swollen
and the constant drone
a light blinks
drowning in an empty tub
with a cesspool of memories
and a whiskey bottle
filled with unspoken truths
am in a corner
these remain my possessions
i'm all out
you should remain a waft
that I should have never let in
but my windows stay open
but truly
i say i'm all out

heart: keep the phone off its hook
but my heart has too much heart
as it turns out

Thursday, August 23, 2012

rewind please

i want to go back to a different time
where we are different
when things were perhaps
let me rephrase
i wish to be back to a different timezone
it just felt different maybe
time complicates us
winds our lives
negates us..

do u remember a quiet alley
of parked cars
just you and me
and pictures of the past
i want to go back
then press pause
and play out everything differently
or better still
be lost in time
no one grows old

i'm wrapped up in the new you now
everyday we struggle
to see a tomorrow
whatever happened to our childish dreams
the lack of intricate lace on our hearts
to impassioned simplicity
how did i get this delicate?

Saturday, April 28, 2012

when you've had enough
it's time to leave
the disco ball may still turn
but the light will never shine on you
baby, it's time to leave.
i share my body
my intimate past
and your hands run over my scars
my bumps
my lackluster stretchmarks.
but you've held another
touched still another
and groped the other
and now it's me
i dull in comparison
on other days you've had your fill
and you close your eyes
saying tomorrow gets better love
but the day after
oh, the days after
we must be vary
and me, am weary
today i stand by nothing
but a lighthouse.
am going in
the ships don't need me tonight
and i don't need them

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

neat lines

i cannot be sure anymore
of where it began and where it may have ended
or not
somehow the words can never tally up
stand in a neat line and have a full stop
you have to say something
you have to end it
but you will not be able to end my sentences
probably that is why
everything stands in disarray
but when was it ever compartmentalized?
when did we draw lines and suggest whose shelf was whose
and what we stacked where
you are indeed of a strange breed
and i do not say this about your parentage
pardon me
come and dream my lovely
how come you stand under the arc again?
where will you be when the earth will move unwittingly
i have no ideas
no passions
and no past glories to live on
and on some days no possessions to live off
no morals to go by
everything is marked in the sand
the river washes dreams away
but you know this
yet you dream
and share your everyday hallucinations
i cannot heal you
my hands are coarse
so lets breathe
lets make amends

but walk in different directions
we are not of the same breed.
not you. not me.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

baby, i'm a dreamer..

There are dreamers, and there are realists in this world. You’d think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists but more often than not, the opposite is true.You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun.
And the realists? Well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.” 

idealism is beautiful, its art
  its emo and theatre and romance
  all at the same time and pace
  it gives one life and movement
  and makes u do crazy thingsIt makes you brave and bareall at the same timei think we have confused illusions with idealismwhen have I felt, trulyLet aside my head and said am actually going to feel?
There's a childlike notion


The world has conditioned us
Us getting up and going to work each day cause we have to survive

which we all do everyone is a mix of both
life makes us choose paths
So the idealist in me..is going to see France and Italy this yearthe realist is planning to save and stay in hostelsI love the sheer romance of it all. 
but my heart wants to live in Europe (she's heard too many stories, read too many books and watches movies way past her bed time)I want to read - i want to travel - and most days? I want to live

                    I love that I can choose to get off the ground. 

Sunday, January 15, 2012

it's us by association

i acquaint you now ever so casually
with lyrics and tunes
your touch tingles more than it tantalizes
our journey's been etched onto my skin now
i don't need a tattoo to remind me of you
everything intensifies
and my body tightens
thoughts frighten me cause i'm ardent
i'm deep
i'm stubborn
i'm you and what's more is
you're me
how did that ever come to be?
over voicing the last so many years?
i thought i was sharing
instead i was doing more
you know me now
the past has made my skin tougher than yours
made it coarse
and you come along suddenly trying to soothe my scales
your balms are addictive
as is your voice
my throat is closing
and here we go again

there is a clock
we are in it
history knows us by name now
she knows you
she sees me
you said you knew me yesterday
you kissed my hand
you said i blushed
i hear these songs
you've badgered them into my being
i cannot associate music alone
it is you
do not time me

how do you associate me?
do you see me whole?
do you see all of me? all my facets?
do you see me?
can you still love me?
if yes, then..
here we go again
can we go back to the cafe now? to yesterday?